I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
