I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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