"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
