there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
