Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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