i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
