I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
