My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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