U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
