It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
