I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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