do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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