Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
