Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
