Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
