they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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