i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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