I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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