I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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