don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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