he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
