Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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