i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
