LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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