The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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