Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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