Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
