just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
