that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
