His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
