Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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