they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
