Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
