ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
