Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
