I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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