I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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