I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
