"it" just moved
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
