even my farts smell like vagina
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
