she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
