I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
