if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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