I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
