I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would ride that face into the sunset
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
