yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
