The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And then he peed in my hair
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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