What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
being pregnant is like rehab
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
