peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
