I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
