You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
