My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
