if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
